Feeling good about yourself is the topic of numberless books and articles. When you read them it all seems so logical, so common sense, and yet it is so difficult to achieve. We want to be prettier, smarter, richer, more successful, you name it. And it’s because of this constant hunt for more of everything that we tend to forget how to be happy with who we are right now, how to love ourselves. Here are ten tips on how to stop worrying about to be able to love yourself:
We never have enough money, that’s a plain truth and it’s due to the fact that the more we earn, the more needs we start to have. It’s an illusion, of course – most of these new needs are just wants in disguise. Think for a bit – how many of the things you think you need you really do need? You might be surprised, if you’re honest with yourself!
A new pair of trousers may make you feel prettier and happier with yourself for a bit, then you’ll start thinking about the price, especially if it was an expensive pair of trousers. And then you’ll stain it with red wine. So much for your short-lived happiness. Does your self-love really depend on your clothes?!
You probably swear you’d feel happier if you lost those extra pounds, but will you really? If you set health considerations aside, chances are that your feelings for yourself have nothing to do with your weight. Health considerations, by the way, are totally legitimate but a couple of pounds over your perfect weight are not exactly a serious weight problem.
It’s a common fallacy to dwell on our failures. Call it some form of self-preservation instinct – by thinking about a failure we try to avoid future failures. But too much of a focus on what we’ve failed to do, instead of what we’ve accomplished won’t protect us from future failures, it will only take the joy out of success.
5. Missed opportunities
What’s the point of wondering what would have happened if you had done that and not this at some point in the past? You can’t go back and make a different choice. Chances are that you’ll be much happier if you accept the choices you do make and not waste any time on thinking about what might (or might not, actually) have happened had you made a different choice.
If you’re insecure and you don’t see yourself as a wholesome, valuable person, you probably blame yourself for breakups. But a breakup is never the responsibility of one of the people involved in the relationship. Learn the lesson and move on. It wasn’t your fault, sometimes things just don’t work out. It takes two to tango anyway.
We all make mistakes and it takes just a little effort to accept this fact and learn to live with the consequences. Being a responsible individual doesn’t mean making yourself miserable because you’re imperfect. There is no such thing as a perfect human being. Exhale.
8. The others
Most of us constantly compare themselves to other people. It’s a way of building self-confidence but that’s just in case we conclude that we’re better than the rest of the people we know. And that’s seldom the case. Do you really need this? You’re better at some things and worse at others, so what? Remember: nobody’s perfect.
So maybe your family had great expectations for you. Maybe your ambitions were different from these expectations and you went with them, instead of struggling to do something you don’t want to do. Should this make you feel miserable? No, it shouldn’t, so forget about these expectations.
10. Going with the flow
In this case we mean following the mainstream, even if it goes against how you feel. Why bother? You’re no longer in school, where peer pressure can be suffocating. You’re an adult and you’re fully capable of making your own decisions and your own choices, in line with what you, and not someone else, considers important.